I Have (Almost) Returned

March 26, 2011

I survived the music festival. Moving, and the subsequent rewriting of daily patterns, proved to be a lot less traumatic than anticipated. If you are autistic and about to move, see if you can relocate to a neighbourhood where your grandparents lived for 26 years. If your roommates and/or significant others can tolerate your ability/insistence on reciting the rental history of each commercial property (“This used to be a Hooters! And a Fran’s! And then there was some airplane-themed restaurant that wasn’t very good, and before that it was a Lime Ricky’s and they had the best sundaes and some country singer wrote a song about it.”) then it’s about as ideal as a transition can be.

A more consistent flow of content should (I hope) be on its way. In the meantime, I offer you this Moment In Awesometism:

People with Asperger’s have a certain affinity for minutiae. We also have a rather unfortunate inability to let things go. And, sometimes, we take things too literally. As you can imagine, this leads to some really great episodes, and I was recently reminded of one of my more amusing (to me) and notorious (to everyone else, I’m sure) hang-ups.

I was painting a wall in the new place, listening to a live Guess Who record (because that’s what all of the cool kids do in 2011), when “No Sugar Tonight/ New Mother Nature” started to play. Suddenly, my paint strokes became more furious, and my mind started to race in some very inane, well-worn circles.

Over the years, I’ve learned not to take most rock lyrics too seriously, or to overanalyze ones that simply don’t require it, but there’s something about “New Mother Nature” that I just can’t get over or ignore. Yeah, I know. “It’s about drugs!” That’s not hard to figure out, but I keep getting stuck on the details.

Who is Jocko? What is he saying “yes” to? Is the “yes” in relation to “the things I say?” Which, first of all, is a really solipsistic topic to discuss with friends. And, second of all, of course you’re going to believe a friend saying yes when you’re talking about the things you say, because he’s telling you what you want to hear.

Now who is this “she” and why are we discussing her lack of strength and guts to leave him when they’re standing in each other’s way? Is this Jocko’s girlfriend? Have we moved on to a different topic, or are the things you say about Jocko’s relationship?

And now you’ve moved on to tripping? Fine, I know this song is about drugs, but then what is all this stuff about Jocko and his girlfriend? Is the “you” that you are now addressing Jocko, or have we moved on to someone else now? How is leaving them all far behind related to Jocko and his relationship issues and his yes-saying?

But now he’s saying “no?” What is going on here? And it’s looking like you lost a friend? Really, Jocko is allowed to disagree with you once in a while, especially considering that he’s willing to talk about the things you say, which is probably not a topic he really enjoys, but he does discuss it because he’s your friend. Or maybe Jocko’s the one terminating this relationship? In which case, maybe you don’t need a friend like that, anyway. And look, I know that losing a friend is unfortunate, but really? There’s no use calling cause the sky is falling and you’re getting pretty near the end? Now you’re just being a drama queen. Whatever drugs you’re on are distorting your perspective.

But wait, now you’re all happy about a bag of goodies and a bottle of wine? Are you over Jocko already? Are you being flippant? Or in denial? Did you ever stop to consider that maybe you’re the emotionally unstable one, and that maybe Jocko was enabling you when he said “yes” but then he couldn’t do it anymore and he said “no” in an effort to get you some help, but then you turn to your baggie and your booze, thereby perpetuating this unfortunate cycle and dragging yourself into a situation that you don’t have the strength of the guts to leave?

You know what’s the most amazing part about all of this? When I started writing this entry, I was working with an amused sort of detachment, but by the hallway mark, I was legitimately worked up again.

Oddly enough, I have no such confusion about the “No Sugar Tonight” part of this equation, but then that is pretty straightforward, grabbing eyes notwithstanding.


One Response to “I Have (Almost) Returned”

  1. Doc Says:

    I truly believe you’re over analyzing this song…I don’t think they’re talking about Jocko’s girl friend…they’re talking about the “New Mother Nature”. I’m not into mother nature, but I do know when you become experienced, it’s hard to get out of. Therefor Jocko was a buddy who used to partake in the same actions, it seems he left. Friends don’t like friends leaving the scene….it’s all about the trip man.

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