July 8, 2011

My page views sure have increased since Francine Kopun’s Toronto Star article on Asperger’s and marriage went up yesterday. Tens and tens of new readers have been flocking to the site to read more from the woman who gave them such deep insight with quotes like “Our weird sense of emotional distance is kind of convenient for them.”

I feel like I should explain myself.

Talking is not really my forte. Talking on the phone is even worse. So what probably sounded like a good idea in my head, and might have come out well after a couple of drafts, turned into ““Our weird sense of emotional distance is kind of convenient for them.”

Here’s what I was trying to say: In my experience, women with Asperger’s (or, at the very least, this woman with Asperger’s) have emotional needs and expressions that veer a little closer to stereotypical male traits than female ones. It’s not that I’m a robot or such a perfectly self-actualized individual that I’m never needy – and I made sure to specify that I’m “sort of” low-maintenance because I sure have my moments –  but the way I think about my relationship and I want out of it is quite different than most of my neurotypical female friends. I suspect, in an overly simplistic, “Men Are From Mars, Aspies Are From Some Imaginary Planet That We’ll Pretend Is In Between Mars and Venus But Not Earth” way, that women with AS and NT men have a decent shot of getting along well because, on a spectrum of emotions, they might be a little closer than NT men and women are. Or, you know, ““Our weird sense of emotional distance is kind of convenient for them.”

At least that’s one of my theories on the success of my marriage. It’s sure not my suave conversational skills that are keeping us together.

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